Dear you,
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When I was seven I started voluntarily wearing a T-shirt over my bathing suit to shamefully hide you.
When I was nine, I asked a family member why you were fat and they said you were baby fat and that you’d go away soon.
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When I was ten I would eat my school lunch out of my brown paper bag and never set it out for fear of someone judging me on what I ate and then associating that with you.
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When I was twelve I declined an invite to an end of a school year pool party because I didn’t want you to be exposed in a bathing suit.
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When I was fourteen I started doing the Atkins Diet and deprived you of carbohydrates.
When I was sixteen I cried for hours because you wouldn’t fit into my sister’s clothes.
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When I was twenty one I became obsessed with exercising you to the point
where I’d hate you if we missed a day.
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When I was twenty four I went on a diet with my partner at the time to lose weight in fear that he’d lose weight and not want to be with you anymore.
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When I was twenty nine I became fixated with following others on social media that were more deserving of love in my eyes than you.
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We turned thirty one last month and I can honestly say that we haven’t had a healthy relationship in twenty four years. I’ve failed you time and time again. All the shame I’ve put upon you over the years and you never gave up on me. I’ve never supported you even though you’ve moved me through many struggles and challenges. I’ve never appreciated your softness or your curves. I’ve never given thanks to you for the beautiful places you’ve carried me to. I’ve gone so long separating you from me that I forgot you exist. I ignored you when you wanted to dance. I concealed you with baggy clothes when you wanted to feel the touch of the wind. When you craved love, I threw hate at you.
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For all of this, I’m sorry. Please, body, forgive me for not embracing you, nurturing you, and cherishing you. I promise to stop taking you for granted from this moment forward. I promise to start listening to you. Body, I promise to be on your side. I don’t have all the answers but I do know it’s time for us to become reacquainted. For you are me and I am you. We’ve carried each other this far, we can wade through any stormy puddles that lie ahead.

MICHELE