This year, since past November, I have had many life changes. Some good, some bad, some astonishing, some out the blue greatness, and some that too this day I still do not understand.
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I found out, through an ER visit for appendicitis, that I had a mass on my kidney. Of course, there could be many reasons for this, but in the end, a specialist told me that it is most likely cancer. He gave me all my options, remained positive, and open, and in the end we removed it. At the age of 25 (at the time) I was not expecting to find out I had stage 1A cancer. It took a toll on me. I missed work before because the “what if’s” took over in mass. Family and friends kept telling me to remain positive. It was hard. I couldn’t find myself anymore. I have always been one to be able to calm others, and myself in tough situations. But, this time was different. I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t stop the tears flowing, the fear setting in at a fast pace.
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I had surgery to remove the mass. It was tiny. It was cancer. I moved on.
Except, I didn’t. I had days where going into work were terrible. I couldn’t stay focused. I couldn’t talk to strangers, as I usually do. And then one day I woke up and was just so upset, and then I realized IT IS FINE to be upset. It’s fine to show your emotions. To cry, scream, laugh. I did all of those.
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In these moments, I realized what I went through was something extraordinary. An event no one sees themselves in. I realized I never processed what had occurred, and this was me processing.
Strength comes from the universe. From the stars light that shines down, and gives us the sense of wonder- and the sense of reality.

Strength comes from sadness, laughters, and anger. I found out that if I use these, in positive ways, to help me push through, they seem to mesh together to provide a sense of clarity. They push you to do things you didn’t think you would. Feel things you haven’t felt. I am okay now. I am moving forward. Getting back to my normal self, laughing, being goofy, seeing the happiness and relaxed life I once lived. I will be forever changed, but a positive change.