I am heartbroken, and I broke my own heart.
I gave too much, I expected too much.
I am behind and ahead in my growth.
I am aware, certain, and unclear all at once.
I wanted a future and you stepped into the frame.
But the future I want isn’t what you want.
And it’s not that either of us are wrong.
We’re not wrong for trying, we’re not wrong for enjoying each other or for loving each other.
There is no wrong in love, that’s why I’ve broken my own heart.
You say you’ll wait, you’ll love me forever.
And you say I’m growing; I don’t know what I want; I want too much.
I say we’ll love each other forever.
And I can’t put myself in a position of being hurt,
being behind,
being wrong.
I know it’s all perspective, and I think I can see yours, but mine is what matters to me right now.
It’d be amazing if it was you.
It’d make life easier, it’d start the grand adventure of partnership.
But it hasn’t.
And it isn’t.
And that sucks.
But I have to listen to my gut that’s getting clearer by the day.
I don’t feel like I fit into your world.
I don’t understand how you feel like you fit into mine.
There is a love that is a partnership and a love that is a freedom.
Partnerships require freedom and freedom require partnerships,
but this love was built for freedom, independence, passion,
not mutual growth or intense emotional support.
And that’s okay. I’ve come to terms with the fact that that’s okay.
It just means it’s not my partnership,
It doesn’t mean that it was insignificant, unimportant, or I regret anything.
We found each other,
and instead of continuing to hurt each other,
let’s find the best way to continue loving each other.
get help: if you or someone you know needs immediate help, please call the National Suicide Prevention
Lifeline at 800.273.TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting MHC to 741741.
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One Response
Wow. This is beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time! Thank you for writing this/sharing this. What I take away from this is the importance in putting yourself first, and I especially relate to “I don’t feel like I fit into your world, I don’t understand how you feel like you fit into mine”, it’s like a cross between feeling like you don’t belong whilst feeling unworthy of anyone else wanting to be with you. I really do feel that. The poem feels like a constant struggle and yet, the answer has always been clear to the writer.