It’s been a tough month, actually a tough year, hell it’s been a tough 6 years 8 months 13 days. 6 years 8 months and 13 days ago I experienced the first worst day of my life. In brief, I lost my dad suddenly in a work-related accident. No warning, no final goodbyes, just the memory of him waving to me as he left for work that Thursday morning. Since then I’ve felt broken, he was my best friend and a piece of me died that day with him. In the past 6 years 8 months and 13 days I’ve been unlucky in my search for closure, instead of my 12-year-old self I locked away then holds onto hopes that one day he will walk through our front door again. Though I know it’s impossible, that’s the only ounce of hope I left in me so I’ve been holding onto it as long as possible. Only, I’m losing my grip. I know the dream of him walking through the door again is slowly killing me but I’m afraid of what might happen if I no longer have hope.
So here I am, writing this letter. I think this is my first step to finding closure. A friend told me that in order to let healing in I need to let the hurt out. I think for the first time in 6 years 8 months and 13 days I’ve finally been able to let some hurt out and have exchanged it with healing. I HOPE to find the next step to closure soon.
2 Responses
Rosie-
Last night, my 79 year old grandma and I (whom I, too, am very close with) watched the new Disney live action version of Mulan. To my surprise, it was a bit different than the original animation but nonetheless, beautifully done. No talking dragons. No musical scenes. No fluff. Just one woman on her journey to bring her family honor, and to be loyal, brave, and true. At the beginning of the film, after young Mulan causes a bit of a destructive stir in her village, her father has a chat with her on the steps of the family shrine. At the steps of the shrine, lives a statue of a Phoenix, with a now damaged appendage.
“Mulan, do you know why the Phoenix sits at the entrance of our sanctuary? She is the emissary for our ancestors.” He looked at her and smiled, “The Phoenix rises up. Some say the Phoenix is consumed by flame and emerges again. I think even a Phoenix can survive with a broken wing.” This becomes a theme throughout the rest of the movie as she is confronted with many trying situations.
In some ways, it reminded me of things I feel that I, too, might be going through. Acceptance. That’s the first step. And the hardest one, at that. Grandma started her second round of chemo today, which let me tell you, is not easy to watch. But let me also tell you how fitting it was for us to watch that movie last night. Totally random.
Didn’t even graze my mind , that is, what the TRUE underlying message was in this reimagined classic.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. To my grandma, or to you or me or any of us. Tomorrow ain’t promised to anybody and I can only pray and manifest positivity into my life. If I want to see good things happen, I must believe good things are going to happen. It’s all mental.
I know, it’s much easier said than done. But, for every negative thought, I want you to say one thing that you’re grateful for. Out loud. Dealing with grief and devastation is hard enough, let alone having to deal with your own mental crap. Trust me,been there. But you have to remain grateful for the things you DO have in your life
I have found that having a spiritual guide in has really influenced a redirection in my mindset. Whether you believe in God or not, I strongly encourage you to remind yourself, that there is a greater force (whatever that is to you) that is looking out for you and loves you and has a very special plan for you. If the universe brought you to it, the universe will bring you through it.
Think positive. Radiate love. Create magic. And remember that you are not alone.
Xx.
T-ROSE
Rosie-
Last night, my 79 year old grandma and I (whom I, too, am very close with) watched the new Disney live action version of Mulan. To my surprise, it was a bit different than the original animation but nonetheless, beautifully done. No talking dragons. No musical scenes. No fluff. Just one woman on her journey to bring her family honor, and to be loyal, brave, and true. At the beginning of the film, after young Mulan causes a bit of a destructive stir in her village, her father has a chat with her on the steps of the family shrine. At the steps of the shrine, lives a statue of a Phoenix, with a now damaged appendage.
“Mulan, do you know why the Phoenix sits at the entrance of our sanctuary? She is the emissary for our ancestors.” He looked at her and smiled, “The Phoenix rises up. Some say the Phoenix is consumed by flame and emerges again. I think even a Phoenix can survive with a broken wing.” This becomes a theme throughout the rest of the movie as she is confronted with many trying situations.
In some ways, it reminded me of certain things I feel that I, too might be going through in my life.
Acceptance. That’s the first step.
And the hardest one, at that.
Grandma started her second round of chemo today, which let me tell you, is not easy to watch. But let me also tell you how fitting it was for us to watch that movie last night.
Totally random.
Didn’t even graze my mind. That is, what the TRUE underlying message was in this reimagined classic.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. To my grandma, or to you or me or any of us. Tomorrow ain’t promised to anybody and I can only pray and manifest positivity into my life. If I want good things to happen, I must believe they are going to happen. It’s all mental.
I know, it’s much easier said than done. But just try. For every negative thought, I want you to say one thing that you’re grateful for. Out loud. Dealing with grief and devastation is hard enough, let alone having to deal with your own mental crap. Trust me, been there. But you have to remain grateful for the things you DO have in your life.
I have recently found, that having a spiritual influence, has really influenced a redirection in my mindset. Whether you believe in God or not, I strongly encourage you to remind yourself, that there is a greater force (whatever it is to you) that is looking out for you and loves you and has a very special plan for you. If the universe brought you to it, the universe will bring you through it.
Think positive. Radiate love. Create magic. And remember that you are not alone.
Xx.
T-ROSE