Well I don’t really know where to begin. I’m a 26 year old women and a couple of years ago I had a falling out with my two best friends.
When I say best friends I mean they were like my family! They have been my best friends for about 15 years!!! I’d known these girls for my entire life basically and grown up with them, and have been through SO much with these girls. We had moved out of our hometown together and lived with eachother for 3 years. And we all decided to move back home(our first mistake).
We all had our different reasons for moving back, but none the less we moved. And everything changed all of a sudden.
They had both recently been through a really hard time, individually. And I’ve always been the “mom” of our friend group. I always want to help others and make them feel better in any way I can. So I tried harder than ever to really help them and by doing so I lost myself. I was hiding all my own problems, because I didnt feel like they were as important as what they were going through.
So when we moved home, they started hanging out a lot together, which was kind of unusual, I was the “glue” so to speak. But it was like they had gone back to their high school selves, and that was not a good thing!
They were being reckless and making horrible decisions and they NEVER asked me to hang out. They even messaged me sometimes and asked where I was, and then realized they had forgotten to invite me.
It was like they forgot about me completely. They abandoned me in a time where I needed them more than I ever had.
I was not in a good place, physically, mentally, emotionally. I was struggling, and depressed and I really needed them to be there and they weren’t.
The really sad thing is I don’t believe that they did it on purpose or tried to intentionally hurt me, I believe they weren’t thinking of me at all. And that’s what hurt the most.
My ENTIRE life, our ENTIRE friendship, I put them first, always. I always thought about their feelings and their opinions, just them in general. But looking back, they’ve never really done the same.
That was the hardest time of my life. I can honestly say they broke my heart. I’ve never been in a serious relationship, or been through a bad breakup, but now I can imagine what it must be like. I believe my situation was worse, only because when you go through a bad breakup you usually have your friends to lean on after! I had no one.
It was truly one of the hardest times of my life. I cried myself to sleep for months, I was depressed and dealing with other tough situations other than them.
But I wouldn’t change it.
Going through that situation opened my eyes to many things I had been blind to in our friendship. Things that I just tried to forgive and forget because I told myself in the end they were worth it. I loved them so much, I became blind to all the hurtful things they had done to me. They were more toxic than helpful. Even when I tried to confront them about it they brushed it off, or tried to somehow turn it around on me like they always did. They never took responsibility. I never got an apology or anything, and honestly I don’t ever expect to.
I realize now they never REALLY appreciated me or our friendship. If they did, things would be different.
I realized that they weren’t worth it, they weren’t worth my tears or my heartache. They weren’t the friends that I deserved. I deserved, and I still deserve better! Because I’m worth it!
No one’s perfect! I’m the first to admit my mistakes and that I wasn’t a perfect friend or person, but I deserved better. I always tried my best to be a good friend and I truly believe that I was and am.
And even though their loss still stings every now and then, it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did. Even if they had apologized and tried to reconcile our friendship, I don’t think I could do it. They’ve shown me their true colors. And I can’t look at them the same. They abandoned me when I needed them the most and my absence didn’t really seem to affect them at all. If our friendship meant anything to them, like it should have, it wouldn’t be like that.
As much as it has hurt, I’m better off without them. And as much as they have hurt me, I wish them nothing but happiness, love and joy, and I pray for them often! And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. It took me a while to get there, and I’m still not 100% recovered, but I’m in a much better place than I was when I was with them. I just have to remind myself of that.
During that time I had never felt so alone. But I’m so thankful that I had my mom to fall back on and some TRUE friends that rose up to help me. And most importantly I had God. I’ve always been religious, struggled at some points, but He was always there. And I have never felt his presence more than that time in particular. And now realize that even though it was one of the hardest times in my life it was a blessing in disguise! And I’m now much better off! God works in mysterious ways like that.
If you have ever been through a similar situation or are going through a similar situation I hope this can help in some way. Just know that even though your hardship may seem like your world is crumbling around you, it may in fact be a blessing in disguise and you WILL get through it. Try to learn what you can from the situation and lean on the people who TRULY care about you! Lean on God or whatever beliefs you may have!
You’ll learn so much about yourself and the things you really want out of life! Keep your head up and keep pushing through, eventually you’ll make it to the other side.
With so much love,
A friend