I am human. But, I am a human living and thriving with OCD. For most of my life, especially throughout my college years, I thought part of my humanity was battling stress, anxiety, and the pressure to be perfect. I always assumed that it was just “who I was”-the panic attacks, the depression, the fears of never being good enough. But, the anxiety and fear eventually crept into my everyday life and started taking a toll. Friendships, relationships…everything that was important to me started to slowly fade away. At the time, I was an education major and almost didn’t graduate because of the pressure I, unknowingly, was putting on myself. I lost my sense of self and changed into someone I didn’t recognize-someone who hid away from the world and dealt with fear alone. I made decisions that risked everything I card about and loved, because it was better than admitting that I was afraid.
Fast forward 10 years and my life looks completely different. Thanks to therapy, my loving fiance, and amazing friends, I have started truly managing my OCD and depression. Some days are easier than others. Are there days that I want to quit? Absolutely! But, I’m thankful for the journey my life has taken me on. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I am human. I make mistakes. But I don’t dwell on them anymore. I try hard every single day to silence the voices that tell me I’m not good enough or not pretty enough or not smart enough. I work hard to push myself out of my comfort zone, even if I’m afraid to fail. I let myself feel my emotions and wear my heart on my sleeve (I have a small heart tattoo on my wrist as a reminder). Life isn’t perfect. It’s messy and chaotic but so, so wonderful.
If anyone ever reads this letter, know you’re not alone and that even when it’s dark, it does get better. Don’t be afraid to be afraid. Don’t be afraid to feel. Don’t be afraid to live your life unapologetically.