get help: if you or someone you know needs immediate help, please call the National Suicide Prevention
Lifeline at 800.273.TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting MHC to 741741.
READ A LETTER >
get help: if you or someone you know needs immediate help, please call the National Suicide Prevention
Lifeline at 800.273.TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting MHC to 741741.
We all need connection and support. If you have a question about something you are dealing with, request a letter here.
looking for something specific?
Before leaving a request, search for your topic. A letter may have already been written!
Your September Letter is a tool for healing both the writer and the reader. We ask you to reach for the freedom to speak from your heart. Bonus points if you take a picture of your written letter or quote that’s helped you.
september letters 2023
SEPTEMBER LETTERS is a registered trademark of September Letters LLC
105 Responses
Hi.
I think I am forgetting how to take care of myself.
My hair is falling out from my constant pulling. My face is breaking out. My mind is a mess. Look at this, look over there. Is she staring at me—why would I care? What if? There are pop-ups in my head at all times telling me to shut the door, shut it again, open it and slam it. A buzzer is always going off, telling me to do this and do this. I can’t deal with stress. A slap in the face, my nails crush my palms. Long blink. Run until you’re soaked from the pouring rain that you somehow didn’t notice until three miles into the trip. Cold showers feel hot. The jokes I make are half cries. Pins are poking into my skin.
I can’t write, I can’t read, I can’t think, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat.
My friends don’t understand—they say they do, and then they call me crazy.
Does anyone understand or know how to help me?
Hi Raven,
Have you been to see your Dr about this? I’m asking because it’s possible that there could be something medical going on, I am by no means a Dr or any kind of healthcare professional, but I do know that from what you describe could be a number of different things going on with you that is causing this (medical, mental health, trauma related, vitamin or mineral deficiency, chemical or hormone imbalances, etc.
Hi I’m 18 years old and I’m turning 19 in a few days. I know I have depression but no one on this entire world have a clue not even my friends my family no one! And my parents always say the main thing is that you are happy! And when they say so I’m getting worse and worse because I would love to tell them that I’m not feeling that well but I can’t I can’t tell them! And if you ask why the problem is my older brother struggled from bad depression and he was suicidal. Luckily he got into the hospital and everything’s better now he has bad and good days but I think he is happy now! The problem for me is I saw my parents struggle for the time when my brother was suicidal and I can put them through that! because I know they would be making themselves responsible for that. I’m struggling for 2 years now and I also thought about suicide but I don’t want to be selfish I don’t wanna let my family down! I am scared that one day I just let everything go!
I searched for things that I can help myself but the only thing I find is that the only way is professional help… but i don’t want professional help… Maybe someone here knows what to Do!
Hi, I’m newly out in the LGBTQ+ community and have already experienced a decent amount of homophobia. How can I deal with homophobia from others and not let it get to me?
hi zoe,
i’ve been out of the closet for a few years. not to everyone, but to most. it’s tough. i’ve experienced the highs and lows—the crying under the covers because i couldn’t figure out how to tell my mom i liked women, and then the crying when she said it was okay. then there was the crying when people who used to be my friends called me names. there were the people who sexualized the way i love, and those who used all the right words to hurt me. we all know, and we all are in it together. it will never stop, because the world is a terrible place. the only way to make it seem like it stops is to keep strutting, stop crying, and start loving. never stop loving who you are or those you love—do stop crying over the people who are mean, they’ll never know love like we do.
– raven. <3
Hey, I’m Jit I’m 18 years old, almost 19. I write cause I’m waiting for help for the long term… I am on a waiting list for professional help. But I really could use some advise right now. I am struggling with trichotilomania, which is a mental disorder where you compulsively pull out your hair. Al lot of people their first reaction is: why don’t you just stop, but sadly enough it’s not that easy. I know I shouldn’t be doing it and still I can’t fight the urge. It gets worst when I’m stressed or anxious and well, I am struggling with anxiety/depression too, so it’s not the best combo. Anyway, I just wanted to share my story and hope someone is struggling or has struggled with the same thing or something similar and can give me some advise to make it less severe and to cope with it better. I have a lot of bald spots at the moment and I am really ashamed of them, so I would be really glad when someone has a few tips on how to deal with that.
– Jit
Hey Jit,
I really don’t know if this might help you, and you probably already tried..
But what “stopped” me from self harming (what you’re suffering from is also a form of sh as far as i know), or what at least made me do it less, was distracting myself. I know that might be way harder, when you’re hair pulling, but you could try like one of those anti stress balls, or text someone close to you, go on a walk or at least open a window and take a few deep breaths when it feels like it kind of “overcomes or overwhelms” you.
And I don’t know if this might also help, if you’re sometimes doing it to hurt yourself? But I sometimes used to have really hot lollies, they were chili-cherry flavoured and they burned like hell.
I don’t know if anything I said helped, but feel loved and hugged(if you want) and you’re going to do this
♡
Hi there.
I am struggling with a lose of a pet. I have a very very small family and my cat was a family member to me. I’m not sure how to deal with this heartache or what to feel. If anyone has any grief experiences or recommendations on what helped them it would be really appreciated.
Hi! I’m Isabella and I’m 14. I have come to a stage in life that I find really hard, and could use some advice. I’m am the youngest of 3 siblings. My two older siblings don’t really live home anymore, and I’m finding it really hard to accept that they aren’t gonna be home and around alot more, but we are going to start living our separate lives. I could really use some advice, of how people accepted that their siblings weren’t going to be around as much, thanks! Isabella 🙂
Hello Isabella, my name is Ellie. I’m turning 20 this month and am also the youngest of 3 siblings. At this stage, all three of us are in different states away from our parents. Growing up, we were all very close and I consider my brothers as friends, just as much as they are family. I’ll admit, it was hard when my eldest brother went off to college when I was the same age as you. There were tears shed and I didn’t handle it well. Looking back, the thing I would want to tell my past self more than anything is that everything will be okay and although there are physical changes, everything will stay the same. Sure you won’t see them every day, but they will ALWAYS be one phone call away. It definitely was different without them around, especially once I was the only kid left in the house and it was quiet, but it’s been 6 years since my first brother moved out and things between us still feel the exact same way when we are with each other, talk on the phone, or even just snap chatting each other. It makes seeing my brothers during the holidays or over summer even better and it feels like reconnecting with an old friend. You will realize how well your siblings are doing and that where they are is good for them. Getting to watch my brother walk across the stage as he graduated nursing school gave me a sense of pride I had never felt towards him before. My other brother went off and joined the army, and to this day I am amazed by his accomplishments and truly believe they deserve everything they have worked for. It will take some getting used to, so cherish the time that you have with them while they are still with you. The best thing that came out of my siblings leaving was the connection I made with my mom. I’ll admit, I was difficult in my early teen years as I was figuring life and myself out, but now, my mom is my absolute best friend. This all came about my senior year when I realized that life really does move fast and the best you can do is make the most of it. I hope these words helped ease your mind and answer your question. Love and appreciate them while they are with you, and when they leave, send them your best because moving on to the next stage of life can be just as scary.❤️
I also am the youngest of 3. I grew up with two older brothers. It was a time of change. And sometimes change has a process of acceptance and I knew at your age that my family wasn’t going to be the close knit kind like most of my peers around me. It was sad for me to accept. And I grieved it for a little bit at that time. Here I am 8 years later and it is just like I anticipated.
My advice is focusing on things you like to do to fill up the extra space. I also accepted it because I wouldn’t be getting in fights with them from being annoyed by each other. I only had myself to clean up after. I didn’t have to worry about their friends over staying their welcome. I hope this helps!
I’m also 14, and I know this can be hard. What helps me is knowing that no matter what, you and your sibling will always be siblings. Even if you don’t see them for a while, you can plan a certain date that you are both free, and I know it’s not the same thing, but you can always FaceTime.
Hi, I’m a young girl from California and I’m having some trouble figuring out some things. I am looking for a letter about how to leave someone that doesn’t appreciate you or even acknowledges your feelings for them. I really want to leave this person but I don’t know how even when I’m mad at her or sad because of something she said I don’t know how to say no or leave this person it is very tiring and I don’t feel like its something I can control and it hurts my heart ever day. If any of you guys have a letter it would be very much appreciated.
Hey nataly,
Sorry to hear you’re not feeling good about this situation.
I also had something similar in the past and let me tell you how I got out of it.
I forced myself to move on.
I know it’s very generic. Almost « too easy » to say, but in truth; letting go of things/people that bring you hurt or pain more than love will be your only answer to happiness.
You need to understand your worth. How beautiful a person you are, how much other people wished they could be with you. Your presence should be appreciated not neglected.
Understand your need for love from others and that it leads to your happiness.
Understand that both parties need to participate and appreciate each other’s effort into creating a (any) lasting relationship.
Give yourself praise for being so earnest in loving someone. Fighting for their love and friendship.
Look into the mirror and see the girl that is affectionate, and attached to life in the form of love.
Your reaction is normal. When finding someone that (mostly) brings you happiness; no one wants to let that go. But if they turn out to be more hurting than anything; moving on is the only solution.
First, let her know she has hurt you in her words and actions. Tell her you feel crushed by this uneven friendship dynamic and that you think this should be the end for you.
Then, keep max 3 pictures only of your previous relationship and let it be a lesson for future experience. Overtime, you ought to delete them too.
Finally, the hardest part is to stop texting/talking/seeing (whatever it is) with the girl to not fall back into it. Erasing all texts(or others), deleting a phone number and stop talking about that person helps the most.
When you feel your worst because you miss her, talk to someone about it. Tell them your story and ask them their opinion on how to move on. Everyone has their own ways. Everybody has their own hearts at stake.
Healing takes time, but it always comes.
Be sure to understand that. There will always be healing. And your hurt will morph into different feelings.
Ones of forgiveness and understanding that this event happened for a reason. The reason that it builds you as a person. It guides you to become the best person you can ever be.
Don’t forget that you are just another person that is searching stability and happiness. And finding it may come with cutting hurtful people off. And that’s okay.
Have faith in yourself and in your recovery over this part of your life.
You’ll make it and it’ll be an incredible feeling of freedom in little to no time.
I ll be cheering for you
Feel better soon
Best,
I.c.
Kind greetings all,
Looking for guidance on tension with family members with opposing political views and opposing views on the pandemic. We have tried to talk it out, but it only resulted in a dead end. Due to this, I have stopped communicating with them, because I am working on removing negativity and stress from my life. Before the pandemic and all the historic political events that have just unfolded, everything was fine. If these were friends, this would probably be easier to let those toxic relationships go, but this is my family. Will this be something that can pass and something I should wait out, or are our opposing views of morals and values something bigger for our relationship?
Hello,
I’m sorry to hear that. I know too well what uncomfortable tensions that must have caused. To be honest the best you can do is to avoid them and remove yourself from these situations or even the people. Now if you still have to or somehow want to see them, avoid the hot topics. If they/you still talk about it and they say things you don’t agree with, ignore them or just say neutral comments. In general be the bigger person and let them think they’re right, you know better! 😉
Hello, I’m Georgia and I’m 12 years old. My dad died a few years ago to suicide and I haven’t been the same since. My friends and family have picked up on it and are trying their best to make me happy again. But it’s his death anniversary soon and I can’t see my grandparents because I have COVID. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t see my friends, most of my family, and I’m trying not to go back to self-harm.
Thanks,
Georgia.
Georgia! Hi! I’m so sorry you lost your dad. Suicide can be very complex. I’m guessing it’s left you and your family feeling confused a lot of the time. Self harm is really really hard too. I’ve been there, and as a now 24 year old girl, I can tell you it is possible to come out of it. I never would have believed anyone who told me that 2 years ago, but now I can personally say that it is. That being said, it took a lot of counseling for me to get to where I’m at now. Everyone needs different things, but my best advice would be to look for a good counselor. Tell your family or a trusted adult that you think counseling could help you and you’d like to pursue it if you’re able. There are also lots of resources out there, like https://twloha.com/ They have a Find Help button in the top right corner, and I’d also recommend having a trusted adult look through the resources with you. You don’t have to fight this alone. When you bring in your friends and family, things seem less intimidating. I know COVID makes this hard, but even phone calls help.
Hi, G! Channel your energy progressively into: plants, animals, and people. Start with things that do not require you much effort such as cacti plants, a cat, and text messages. This will help your mindfulness. Be careful with your diet, workouts, rest, books, and electronics. Stay hydrated, take no more than 20 minutes of sunshine per day, and learn a new word everyday.
Dear Georgia,
Just last night I was lying in bed, my head resting on my arm, when I began to gaze at my old scars. I’m 28 now and most of the scars that take up my forearm are from when I was in 7th/8th grade. I’ve struggled with compassion during my healing journey, but the older I get, the more I want to hold my middle school self and help her with the immense amount of feelings she doesn’t know what to do with. I can look back and understand that I didn’t know and wasn’t taught how to deal with intense emotions, and self-harming was the thing I found that “took care” of me.
The healing process has been about learning how to manage and feel my feelings and it has taken a long time. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to feel the white knuckle grip of trying so hard to do the right thing when we’re in the middle of a pandemic and don’t have access to the resources that you know work best. I believe in you though. See if you can find new resources. Can you to tela-therapy? Can you text crisis text line? Can you facetime with your friends and do some real talk with them? You’re not alone in this.
In the wise words of Miss Florence Welch from her song, ‘Heartlines,’
“But know, in some way, I’m there with you
Up against the wall on a Wednesday afternoon”
Dearest Georgia,
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so sorry that it feels as if the world has moved on and left you where you were when your dad passed. While I cannot relate to the passing of a parent, I can relate to the feeling of being alone. Please know that you are loved, cared for, and your dad is watching over you, hoping desperately to see his little girl thrive. You can do this, Georgia. I believe in you. ♥️
Hi Georgia,
I lost my dad to suicide when I was sixteen (I’m 20 now). I feel your pain, sadness, and confusion so close to my heart; it reminds me so much of my own. After my dad died, I internalized most of my pain, and to my friends and family I went from being someone who was very extroverted bubbly to someone that that was depressed, scared, and hard to get out of her shell. I also struggled a lot with self-harm. The third anniversary of my dad’s passing was during COVID, and the fourth will be as well. I was terrified because I could not see the people that I would have felt most supported by. However, I found a lot of comfort in being vulnerable and honest, by reaching out to them and telling them that I really wish that I could be with them for the anniversary and that I was having a really difficult time. I know this may seem oversimplified and obvious, but sometimes when you’re someone that internalizes pain, you can forget that not everyone else knows what’s going on in your head. After telling them how I was feeling, I was able to have long phone calls with them on the anniversary, talk about my dad if I wanted to, and talk through what I was feeling. It made a really big difference, and even though I wasn’t able to see them, it made the day a lot less scary.
I wish there were magic words I could say to you to take this pain away – I would in an instant. But what I can tell you is that the bad feelings aren’t forever – it’s impossible to feel this way forever, even if you wanted to! What you have experienced is one of the hardest things in the world, and I am so incredibly proud of you for making it through. Over time the weight will get lighter and things will feel brighter. Until then, take things day by day and remember to rely on those you love for support. If you ever want to talk, you or an adult can DM me on instagram @lilycornellsilver and I would love to be a support for you. All my love sweet Georgia
Hi My name is Frankie and I am 17 years old from the U.K.
I am looking for a letter related to loneliness, anxiety, self confidence.
If there is a letter that would help me so so much ?
Hi Francesca, I wrote a letter myself about anxiety and self-confidence, and another letter about loneliness which I don’t think has been published (yet?). You are more than welcome to read the one that is published, if it helps; “Anything is Possible” is the title, and you can search it by ‘Lexi’. As for loneliness, I find that specific topic very personal and relatable too. I often think of a quote I read somewhere ‘loneliness is love with nowhere to go’, which I feel is a beautiful way of thinking about it. Being alone doesn’t make us weak or unimportant. Quite the opposite. It gives us time to build our confidence, love ourselves, and appreciate everything we already have. Loneliness used to be love with nowhere to go, but the truth is, it’s love waiting for the right person/people to be shared with.
Hi Frankie,
I might not have a letter but a tumblr post I stumbled upon yesterday.
It says:
“You are loved. On quiet days that feel meaningless, on long nights when loneliness consumes you, when you’re reminiscing and grieving the past, on good days that feel like warmth and light, always remember that you are loved.”
It may not be much but I hope it helps.
Sending much love♡
I’m 22 and I’m currently dealing with a drug addicted father. It has been going on for about 3 years and my mom continues to take him back. I’m also still healing emotionally from a sexual assault that happened about 3 years ago as well.
I guess I just need advice on how other people got through the same issues as I did. It all feels super overwhelming at the moment and I have frequent panic and asthma attacks. Is there anyone else who has experienced this? Any advice?
Hi i was diagnosed with anxiety this months are being so hard i will love to talk with another person who knows about this disease
Anxiety is a horrid mentality a lot of people suffer from; I don’t know if I’d personally call it a ‘disease’, but it is something that feels so damn crippling and weighted. Almost like a prison. I myself struggle with it constantly even though I try so hard not to be torn down by it. I’m 25 and I have had anxiety for most of my life, such is the reality of growing up with teachers in the family: my father and late-grandmother. I’d constantly be working when I was with my grandmother: French, English, History… you name it, and with my father, Maths. There was the pressure to succeed, and the fear of failure. Little did I know, that was really the stem of my anxiety. The fear of disappointing people. Later on in life, as I changed schools, I realised my ‘friends’ would stop talking to me, returning messages, which started another form of anxiety: being left behind, or not being wanted. That is something that is very very present today. I can’t start conversations with people without the fear that they don’t want the conversation; when people don’t return messages, I jump to the scenario that they never wanted to hear from me; and I can very easily convince myself that someone doesn’t like me. I could go on, I wrote a letter of it helps: “Anything is Possible; by Lexi”
Hi Alexandra. I have been/am struggling with anxiety for the past few months now, and it’s been bad- like never before. It’s a dark, scary place and I feel stuck. I deal with anxiety every single day and it’s very hard. I know how it feels to want someone to understand your struggle. So, I’m here when you want to talk.
Hi Alexandra. I have been/am struggling with anxiety for the past few months and it’s been very bad, like never before. It’s a dark and scary place to be and I feel stuck. I deal with anxiety every single day. I know the feeling of wanting someone by your side who understands your struggle; so I’m here when you want to talk.
Hi. I’m a 19 year old university student, struggling to find my first part time job and battling loneliness. I live with my younger sister and parents who’re both drug addicts, long story short they’re kinda toxic and have taken thousands of pounds from my savings and uni fund. The loneliness comes from not having any close friends, or being left out of social meet ups with the three friends I have, and I find it hard to connect with anyone because I can’t even establish that ‘connection’ in my own home. The big ‘d’ word (drugs) is more important than anything in my home.
I have dreams of being a writer, for television or film. My creativity is one of my strongest attributes, I love to sing and make music. I wish I could exercise this part of more more with other people instead of just quietly in my bedroom.
Any advice appreciated on how to cope with loneliness or finding opportunities or coping with addict parents? Thanks 🙂
Hi Chloe, I can’t even begin to convey how sorry I am for what you’ve been put through. I don’t think I have the expertise to offer any advice with relation to coping with drug addict parents, so I hope someone else can, but I hope more than anything that you and your sister will be able to find a way to escape that toxic environment and live your life free of fear.
As for the other two, I am more than happy to offer my help. When it comes to finding jobs, it is always going to be scary. You have to keep applying and not be put out by rejection. The moment you get yourself down about it, it will be hard to convince yourself to continue. So keep your head high, ask around, and be your charming self. A part-time job isn’t a life commitment, it’s for now, it’s to make money. So don’t think yourself as being ‘stuck’ when you do have one. When it comes to your dream career, it takes time. I graduated Law, and two years into my three year course, I questioned whether I wanted to become a lawyer. I didn’t. So I got my 2:1 and decided to make my way into film. I didn’t have the experience, but my heart was telling me to go for it. I applied for production internships, emailed about 30 companies, 1 got back and I then hopped around from one thing to another, making my own path. Now I work on film sets. I’m still not quite where I want to be, which is directing, but I’m getting there. Slowly. And I’m determined.
As for loneliness, I can relate 100%. I have answered other people’s asks on loneliness and anxiety, which you’re welcome to take a read, as well as my own letter “Anything is Possible: by Lexi” – but essentially, all I can say is that sometimes good things take time. Sometimes people can’t see your worth, not because they don’t want to, but because they don’t realise that they are looking for it. “Loneliness is love with nowhere to go,” but that isn’t a bad thing. You are patiently waiting to give it to the right person/people; you are appreciating what you have currently, and you aren’t wasting it on the wrong people. I hope this helps somewhat.
Hi Chloe, first off thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry you are going through this and can totally relate. When I was younger, I went through the same thing with both of my parents. I found myself really isolated too but I actually went to a couple support groups for children of addictive parents and that helped me find a support system.
Another thing I would do is use your experience to fuel your creativity. Whether its to write short stories or songs. And share it with the world. I know COVID is limiting gatherings right now, but their may be some virtual gatherings for performances or spoken word sessions. When I went through this, I used my experience to fuel my passion for soccer, as well as, drawing. I would enter my artwork into local museums to have something to work towards. There may be some local writing competitions that you could potentially enter as well.
I know it can feel lonely, but you are not alone. You are also stronger than you realize. I hope this helps, even a little bit. And if you do enter your work anyway, I would happily support it for you.
Hi there. I’m a 23 old girl currently feeling a bit stuck in life. Iv been living at home with my parents for the past year and a half after graduating from university. I’m working in a cafe, a job that has nothing to do with my degree. Everytime i go to job hunt I don’t know what it is I want to do. I’m put off looking because I don’t think I’m what people are looking for. As well as this I don’t have a lot of self love for myself. I’m not being open to my friends and family about how I’m feeling. I’m not good at opening up (I only open up to people when I’m drunk) but I’m very good at acting the happy put together person. There’s things that are niggling away at me that iv kept secret from my family for a long time and are starting to recently get to me.
Long story short, would be very appreciative of advice from anyone who has dealt with any of the things iv written above (if it makes sense). How do you get yourself out of that rut of feeling stuck in life? How do you get yourself to open up about the fact that your struggling?
Hey Ellen!
Thanks for your vulnerability and willingness to share. Ruts are hard to shake but know that your feelings are real. They are there for a reason. You’ve reached a point where you are unhappy with the way your life is going. What point? Well, you wrote a letter to a group of strangers seeking advice which clearly shows you are open to change. Go you! A few questions to ask yourself, 1 – do I like the degree I received? 2 – if yes, what classes interested me most during my time at university? 3 – if no, what do I love most about the job I have now? Ask yourself those questions and physically journal down the answers. I recommend taking the enneagram test (google it and choose a free one) OR simply read through the 9 types of people here: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions . It will help guide your heart toward the type of person you truly are. Once you figure out which enneagram type, search careers in that type and maybe, just maybe, you will get the courage to jump into something that sparks a fancy! CONFIDENCE is key. I will be praying for you (I know this is not a Christian thing but I’m going to anyway). Be well Ellen! You got this.
Hi, I know it’s not as serious as some of the other letters but I’ve recently been questioning my sexuality and it’s really been weighing on me and affecting my mood and attitude towards friends and family. Any support or advice would be really appreciated.
Thank you x
Hi out and proud queer person here. Going to share the advice I wished I’d had when I was questioning. Take your time, explore and ask all of the questions. Give friends and family a little bit of grace as far as adjustment goes but also don’t be afraid to have boundaries and to stick by then you’ll know what you will and won’t tolerate from people. Hope some of this was helpful, sending you all the love ?
Thank you so much for your advice x
How long did it take before you came out? Because it doesn’t feel like something I can share yet but also needs be something that I am able to tell people
Hi just now getting back to you. It took me about 6 months before I came out to my family but some people need more time and that’s ok. I started telling a few close friends. It helps to build up confidence and eventually tell the most important people in your life
Hi, out and proud queer person here. going to share with you the advice I wished I’d had while questioning. Take your time, explore and ask all of the questions. Give your family and friends a little bit of grace when it comes to the adjustment it’s new for them too. Also don’t be afraid to set very clear boundaries about what you will and won’t tolerate. Hope some of this helps ?
I’m.cirrently going through this too. I know that I’m definitely a lesbian but still struggle to accept it sometimes. Let me know if you want to chat 🙂
Hello my friend. Never think of your own battles as being ‘less important’ or ‘less serious’ than others; everyone’s battles are different and so personal to themselves. What you’re going through is perfectly normal and it doesn’t make you any less human being for questioning things about yourself. I consider myself bisexual, although I’m not really into labels, love is love, but I’m not in the closet either. Not at all; it’s just no one has ever really asked me, so I have a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy. Don’t let it bring you down, friend. I know it can be scary, and I know it can be hard to determine what you want to do, if you even want to do anything. You don’t owe it to anyone other than yourself what you do or say about your sexuality. Something I’d suggest, maybe write yourself a letter and address it to yourself. Include every little thing you wish you could say in person, as well as your fears. Acknowledge those fears. Know they exist. Because at the end of the day, overcoming your fears is something that will help lighten the weight.
Hi,I’m Rangoli and I want to thank you for your letter. I think that you should try to talk with them. I know it can be scary but maybe they are going to support and help you.I was scared as well and it wasn’t easy but I’ve found people who love me. If you feel like texting me back we can just talk about everything and nothing. Hope I was helpful.
(sorry for my English, Italian it’s my first language) X
It’s okay. Whatever you are feeling is okay. I’ve just passed 10 years since I came out. I can tell you it does get easier. There’s no right or wrong in this situation. My best advice would be to just do some exploring and take your time. You don’t have to do this alone, there are plenty of people around to help you. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I am a 48 year old mom and wife. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I am feeling very lost and want to find a purpose. Struggling to find my joy!
Hi Joy (for lack of knowing your name):
Some of the best advice I have received is if there is something that you want to do, just start. Even if you don’t know how. If you want to design, start drawing and building (even if it’s just a diarama) If you want to help people, reach out to a local non-profit that interests you. Call them and say you want to get involved. They will help you find something. If you start something and you don’t like it or it doesn’t work out. Change it up. Do something else. The more you try, the clearer the path will be to your joy. XO
I just lost my dad, the one person I could really count on. I wake up in a panic almost every night with an overwhelming feeling that I am alone in the world, like I’m completely untethered. It’s only been one month, and I know it will eventually get easier but I’d love to hear from someone who has lost a parent about walking this path of loss.
Hi Marlow,
This is a great question and something we would like to hear about as well. As one of our members of the SL team is going through a similar situation. If anyone would like to write a letter about grief, we would love to hear it.
We do know, you are not alone. Not at all. We understand that feeling and hope the SL community can help you feel connected. Please visit our resources page for more information. We thank you for your honesty.
– SL Team
Hi Marlow,
Firstly I’d just like to say I’m very sorry for your loss. Losing someone is never easy, especially someone who is very important to you.
I lost my mum when I was 14, 16 years on and there are moments when I still miss her greatly and the grief feels like it’s almost fresh. Growing up, most of my life it was just the 2 of us. It wasn’t always easy as she suffered from depression and was an alcoholic, but we took on the world together.
Losing her hurt like hell and it took a long time to be able to remember the good times without feeling sad about it.
All I can say is that you just have to take it one day at a time. Some days will be easier than others. The grief will come in waves. There’ll be times when you feel like it’s getting easier and then suddenly it hits you hard. But don’t fight that feeling, you have to let yourself feel it as it’s the only way to fully move on and heal. It does get easier, but it takes time and you can’t rush it. Reach out to friends, write in a journal, see a therapist if you can. All these things helped me to deal with the grief (I still see a therapist now). Write letters to your dad, I know it probably seems stupid but it can be cathartic to feel like you’re talking to him.
Just take it one step at a time, and you’ll get there. And there’s no right or wrong way to get there, it’s whatever works best for you.
I hope this helps you and anybody else dealing with grief.
Natalie
Hi Marlow,
I lost my dad at the beginning of this year. He was my shining star. He was my confidant, my spiritual adviser, karaoke buddy and most of all my biggest supporter. The first month after his death was numbing. I can’t actually tell you what I did in that time. I just felt his loss.
What I’ve learned is to Lean into grief because it’s part of the mourning process. It’s your journey to accepting and healing.
As time goes on, and the immediate thoughts of his death leave me, I’m at peace to remember who he was. How lucky I was to be loved so much, and how deeply he cared for me.
It’s also important if you can, to remember how your dad not only impacted your life, but how you impacted his life. The memories you share together are there forever. Your love for each other is still there like an indelible mark on your heart. It’s these moments that comfort me.
And as for someone to guide me, I’m slowly learning to lean on myself and to look to others too. Where I relied on my dad, I have to now open myself to others. It’s been a blessing in this time.
It’s still hard though, and some days just cry.
I also take off the day of his death each month and do something that he loved – steak eating, guitar playing, karaoke singing only Elvis songs. They bring me close to him and are my tribute to his impact on my life.
Importantly, There is no one way to mourn, so have patience with yourself and others, and always do what feels right for you.
Sending you love and strength.
Roslyn
27 year old female dealing with abandonment issues.
Hey Giselle! I’m sorry you feel abandoned. Sometimes people do things that we can’t explain. It would be easier to make sense of it, find a reason, so we could explain it away, but honestly, some things are just unexplainable. It’s really hard to accept that, because it’s giving up control. I’m still working on it myself, but just know that there are so many reasons people leave, and often it’s not personal to you. Sometimes, they just don’t explain themselves, and that can be really hurtful to you, but they may never know it. Sometimes, they’re dealing with a lot of crap internally that they don’t explain, and it causes them to hurt other people. I hope that you can find support from a counselor or trusted friend.
I’m a 21 year old girl and I’ve been struggling with anxiety over the past few years. It all started when I was a senior in high school. Do you have any suggestions on how to cope with it?
When I’m at home and I go true all the things I did wrong or could do better I just close my eyes and make up a scenario it can be about something that happend or something you want to happen about meeting you’re favourite singer or going back to you’re favourite memory hope that helps good luck x
Breath Always take your time
Hi Elena, anxiety is hard. I’m not going to lie. Some days are better than others, and I know it can feel suffocating. I’ve had it for most of my life and I’m 25 now. You aren’t alone, so let’s start there.
School itself is something that really does escalate things, huh? I know one of the forms of anxiety I still suffer from stems from the amount of ‘friends’ I would never hear from again once I moved school, and the amount of messages and texts that went unanswered. It messes up your confidence and makes you think that no one wants you around. I went to a new school when I was 17/18, and was with a ‘group’ – they had already been friends for so many years. I was the new kid, but I wasn’t really there. I knew one girl from the group and sat with them, talked to them ofc, but I wasn’t ‘one of them’. They’d hang out outside school, go to parties, but I was never invited. I thought it was because I was new. But what really hit me was when a girl started school 2 weeks after me, and they just… welcomed her. Kept her with them. Took her to parties and wherever. and then I realised, it was me.
There is no easy way of coping with it. Breathe, don’t let it tear you down, and keep doing the things you love doing. Know your anxiety is there, but don’t let it overpower you. Keep fighting it and don’t give up. xx
Thank you so much
Hi Elena,
I am 42 years old and have dealt with anxiety my entire life. I have tried everything and by everything I literally mean everything to cope with it but honestly what has helped me the most is by Praying and reading the Bible, in the book of Psalms or Matthew would both be good places to start. Psalms 23 and 91 has helped me a lot and there’s so much comfort in reading about Jesus in the book of Matthew. Also, Art, forest bathing and nature walks, practicing self care before during and after anxiety attacks is always important, interacting with animals, music and singing, feel good movies, gardening and just keeping yourself busy with soothing enjoyable activities that you like are all good choices too. I hope that this helps you. Have a good night and God bless you.
My husband and I have been together nine years, trying for a baby for 6. We struggle with Infertility on my side due to PCOS. I would really love some positive vibes, inspiration or advice for this emotional journey I’m on. I’m dreaming of becoming a mom one day, but it hurts my heart more that I’m preventing my husband from becoming a father because I know he will be such an incredible, loving, patient and compassionate father. It’s been a difficult 6 years with no end in site at the moment.
Hi Chelsea, wow, reading this really hurt my heart. I am so sorry you have been struggling to have a baby. I know I can’t say I understand what you’ve gone through when I haven’t been through it myself, but I’d love to send you some positive vibes. I think you and your husband sound wonderful; kind, giving, and of course, hopeful to create together something as magical as your own child. Never ever blame yourself for anything, and never ever apologise for something that is not your fault and that is out of your control. It’s not your fault. It’s not his either. Sometimes people get dealt an awful hand, but that’s okay! Don’t let it stop you from trying.
There are also options of: adoption, IVF, and donors. I know they may not be ideal, but your dreams are still achievable. With adoption, you’ll be giving a child/children a loving family, something they haven’t had. You’ll love them and nurture them as your own, and they will grow to love and appreciate life and the life you have given them. which is beautiful. and that’s the same with IVF. Blood doesn’t make a family, family; it’s love. I hope this helps somewhat xx
Hi Chelsea! I’m so sorry! It’s brave of you to put this really hard thing out here. I’m not a mom and not married yet so can’t say I understand completely, but I know you may feel guilty, and just know that it’s not your fault! You didn’t ask for PCOS. The infertility doesn’t make you less of a valuable person, even when it feels like it. The only advice I have is to refer you to a great doctor. I know she works often with women struggling with infertility. She can do everything virtually, so that’s why I’m sharing her (link at the bottom). I’m not sure where you live, but that shouldn’t matter if you did choose to seek her out. I’m guessing you’ve gotten lots of suggestions, and this may feel like just another dead end or impossible promise. I’m not promising she’ll solve it, but do with it what you’re able! All the love, Katt. https://immunitykc.com/