A Letter To My Former Self: From Andrew

Drew,
 
It’s a foggy Monday morning, and the cool fall air — your favorite! — is drifting through the window. The garbage truck is making its morning rounds, clattering down the street. It’s distracting but the break in the stillness is comforting. 
 
At this moment, I’m in my midtown Manhattan apartment that I share with my loving boyfriend. Three years into our relationship, I have never felt so safe, secure, and happy. This is the first romantic relationship I’ve had, but I’m now experiencing the joy I never knew possible when I was your age. If only you could see years ahead and save yourself so much pain.
 
Yes, I did say boyfriend. And yes, this is on the Internet for all the world to see. I know your heart is racing and you’re frantically trying to figure out how to delete this. You’re terrified of being found out. But let me tell you something — you are gay. Andrew Gelwicks is gay, gay, gay. And you know what? What you will come to see is that your queerness is the very best thing that will ever happen to you.
 
You can turn down the temperature dial on your constant boiling resentment. The things you are currently hating most about yourself will turn out to be the mighty foundation for your wonderful life. In the secrecy of your bedroom, you now spend hours fashioning Mom’s tablecloths into dresses and adorning yourself with your sister’s jewelry. But these unique skills will turn into your career as a celebrity fashion stylist. You will get to dress the most extraordinary, talented, beautiful women in the finest clothing — for a living! 
 
And do you remember all those short stories and “books” you wrote in school, that you tried to get “published”? Well, you’ve finally done it. 
 
The book I’ve written is the book you now need. It’s called The Queer Advantage and it’s about the powerful, unique, wonderful, positive aspects of the thing you currently loathe most about yourself: your queerness. You also will get to speak at global corporations and organizations, and meet others who are realizing their new-found personal powers.
 
I know you have sneaked downstairs to Google “successful gay people” to see if such a concept actually exists, with only a few names appearing. But you’ve now interviewed fifty-one of the most successful and inspiring leaders on how their queer identity has had a positive impact on their careers and lives. 
 
The painful moments you are experiencing now — questioning your every thought and movement; practicing lowering your voice; hiding in your darkened bedroom for hours at a time; sleeping fitfully at night with questions and fears — your self-loathing is destructive and unnecessary. You are not broken, you are not wrong. Not at all. A vibrantly beautiful future lies before you.
 
The trials you are now enduring are building you. You are becoming stronger, more passionate, more fearless, more empathetic, more driven. The fragile, thin roots that now barely connect you to this world are growing stronger and deeper, anchoring you in ways you may not recognize in the whirl of daily life.
 
Don’t stop believing in what is possible. I am living a life you cannot now envision could ever be. What you are going through is not easy. But know this: your current struggles are developing within your tremendous strengths.
 
I can’t wait until you get here.